Victory Without Enemies: Leave Your Opponent a Line of Retreat

At the close of World War II, General Douglas MacArthur could have humiliated Japan at the surrender ceremony. Instead, he treated the Japanese delegation with respect—seating them as equals, allowing them to wear full military uniforms, and removing his own combat decorations. Rather than seeking vengeance, he focused on rebuilding Japan's future.

You face this same choice. You’re in the middle of an argument that you know you are going to win. You now have two choices. The first is complete obliteration of your opponent. Personally humiliate them and their argument.

Or you can choose the MacArthur approach and give your opponent dignity by leaving them a line of retreat. Let them down graciously, and you’ll have won the argument without creating an enemy.

In workplace discussions, I've witnessed people exploit others' mistakes for personal gain, earning a few laughs through a direct attack or snide remark, all while creating lasting resentment.

When you have the chance to go in for the kill, don’t. Give someone the option of retreat. B.H. Liddell Hart, in his book, Why Don’t We Learn from History, describes how you can reduce your opponent’s resistance by providing a line of retreat:

It is an elementary principle of strategy that, if you find your opponent in a strong position costly to force, you should leave him a line of retreat—as the quickest way of loosening his resistance. It should, equally, be a principle of policy, especially in war, to provide your opponent with a ladder by which he can climb down. 

Explorer Hernan Cortez motivated his men by ordering them to burn their ships upon landing, knowing there was no going back.

Don’t encourage a Cortez reaction. Make sure your opponent has an out so they don’t torch their ships. Make retreat easy. They’ll probably take it. But if you corner them, now you’ve signed up for a real knife fight, and that’s on you.  

Graciousness during victory is challenging. The desire for vengeance is real when emotions are high.

Some will advocate for telling it like it is. The unvarnished truth. No holding back. Letting the other person have it. Brutal honesty without hesitation. But remember, you can be an asshole or persuasive, but not both.

As Steven Sample once advised, “Don’t humiliate a person unless you can eliminate them, otherwise they will be an enemy for life.”