Getting Through Tough Times: Lessons from James Stockdale
/If you’re looking for guidance on how to get through tough times, turn to James Stockdale. Stockdale was a Navy fighter pilot shot down during the Vietnam War. He spent eight years in a Hanoi prison. He was tortured fifteen times, put in solitary confinement for four years, and put in leg irons for two.1
You might be facing some stress, but I can promise you are better off than Stockdale was.
Stockdale knew something about getting through bad times. He knew something about adversity and struggle.
Today’s environment demands practical wisdom from those who have overcome extreme adversity.
No matter how tough our current circumstances, others have already gone through it. What we are going through is not unique. It certainly feels unique, but it’s not. Others have dealt with the exact same situations. For example:
· Pandemics? Been facing these for millennia
· Stock Market Crises? Been working through one per decade for the last few centuries
· Uncertain Economic Outlook? Been occurring since economies formed
· Improper Government Action? Of course - been dealing with this as long as governments have existed
And the list could go on. The point is we can learn from those who have gone through similar situations. To neglect what others have learned is not only idiotic, but tragic. A lot of avoidable, unnecessary pain.
We don’t need to go it alone.
Stockdale was a student of the Stoics. He embraced the Stoic philosophy based on the recommendation of one of his Stanford professors. The Stoic philosophers (especially the writings of Epictetus) provided a foundation for his survival in prison.1
On September 9, 1965, Stockdale was shot down over North Vietnam. With his plane uncontrollable and on fire, Stockdale ejected. Stockdale had 30 seconds before he hit the ground. As he descended, he remarked, “Five years down there, at least. I’m leaving the world of technology and entering the world of Epictetus.”1
According to Stockdale:
“Ready at hand” from The Enchiridion [Epictetus’ book] as I ejected from that airplane was the understanding that a Stoic always kept separate files in his mind for (A) those things that are “up to him” and (B) those things that are “not up to him.” Another way of saying it is (A) those things that are “within his power” and (B) those things that are “beyond his power.”1
It sounds counterintuitive, but we control how we react to external stressors. We can’t control what happens to us, but we can control our reaction to it. We forget this distinction. We assume there’s no choice. We impulsively react rather than deliberately assess. However, our reactions are NOT predetermined by our environment. We determine our response.
Stockdale reiterates:
So what Epictetus was telling his students that there can be no such thing as being the “victim” of another. You can only be a “victim” of yourself. It’s all in how you discipline your mind.1
The moment he ejected, Stockdale knew his fate. The conditions of the North Vietnamese prisons were horrific. It was no secret. He’d have to rely on Stoic wisdom to survive this ordeal.
Stockdale understood one of Stoicism’s core principles:
There is a big difference between things within your control and things outside your control.
Stockdale knew the wicked things awaiting him. However, it was up to him to decide how he reacted. It was up to him to expend effort on only those factors under his control.
Nancy Sherman, author of Educating the Stoic Warrior, states:
A Stoic, like Epictetus, reminds us of the line that divides what is and what is not within our control and that we will be miserable if our happiness itself depends too heavily upon things over which we have little dominion. The Stoic recommendation is not complacency or a retreat to a narrow circle of safety. We are to continue to meet challenges and take risks, to stretch the limits of our mastery. We are to continue to strive with our best efforts to achieve our ends, but we must learn greater strength in the face of what we simply cannot change.
Goal-Directed Behavior
How did Stockdale put this into practice? Stockdale organized a system of codes and communication for his fellow prisoners. He refused to offer intelligence to the North Vietnamese. He created specific goals and behaviors that gave him an explicit purpose for existence.3
It's tempting to focus on things outside our control because it always gives us something to complain about. It allows us to shirk responsibility by continuing to blame factors that we can never change. Taking control isn’t a painless step, but it’s a necessary one.
Taking deliberate action gives us agency over our lives. Control is comfort during uncertainty. Even controlling small things provide a sense of relief.
The Stockdale Paradox
Stockdale stressed the importance of facing reality. Stockdale noticed the first men to break down were those who deluded themselves into thinking prison was a temporary ordeal. They believed they’d be liberated soon, rather than accept the reality that the war was stalemated with no end in sight.
Stockdale survived because he viewed reality clearly – he was going to be in prison for a long, unknown period of time.3 He had to adapt himself, not deceive himself. But that didn’t mean giving up. Instead, he focused on controlling his situation: leading his men, establishing communication systems, and playing mental games with his captors.2
There are two seemingly conflicting attitudes you must adopt.
First, you must ruthlessly accept your current situation, no matter how bad it is.
Second, you must direct your behavior with goal-directed action.
Control whatever you can control. Even the simplest tasks give you a sense of control, and that sense of control is a powerful tool to move forward.
The Stockdale Paradox summarizes this dichotomy:
You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end – which you can never afford to lose – with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.3
COVID-19 is creating prison-like environments for many people. It’s an uncontrollable threat that has left us unable to control parts of our lives. But it hasn’t stripped us of everything. We still have options. We need to focus on the things we can control. It’s possible to take the virus seriously and still enjoy your life and activities. They’re not mutually exclusive.
In the face of hardship, you have to maintain a clear focus on your harsh reality. It does you no good to sugarcoat the facts. It does you no good to fantasize about what might be. You have to maintain clarity about your reality.3
Looking Ahead
"What is the fruit of your doctrines?" someone asked Epictetus. "Tranquility, fearlessness, and freedom," he answered. You can have these only if you are honest and take responsibility for your own actions. You've got to get it straight! You are in charge of you.4
In summary, there is a distinction between accepting the reality of a stressful situation and letting that stress control you. Face reality head-on. Accept the pain you are going through. Take some time to yell or scream or vent. But don’t let it linger. Don’t create a downward spiral. Use your situation to establish goal-directed behavior. Control something, even if it’s something small.
Sources:
1. Courage Under Fire: Testing Epictetus’s Doctrines in a Laboratory of Human Behavior, James Stockdale
2. Educating the Stoic Warrior, Nancy Sherman
3. Resilience, Eric Greitens
4. Stockdale on Stoicism II: Master of my Fate, James Stockdale